Poem – Doubt

I sit by your bed in hospital and say
I love you, don’t go
and say – endure!
and say – it will get better!

I sit by your bed and hope
you wont make a liar of me. 

I sit by your bed and beg

for one more day
of the screaming pain
the nightmare you can’t wake from
and the darkness

strangest thing – they tell me
it is you who is selfish.

2 thoughts on “Poem – Doubt

  1. Hi there, I agree, judging people who feel suicidal as being selfish is very harsh. I wrote this poem about my own experience caring for someone who is chronically suicidal when unwell. It describes an experience I had when I would visit them and tell them to hold on and keep going. Because they were so distressed and in so much pain for so long, I started to doubt myself. I wanted them to keep going because I still had hope that things would get better for them. But I started to doubt my intentions were really in their best interests and wonder if I was being selfish in asking them to keep going when they were in so much pain. So that's what I was writing about here. I'm so very sorry your friend died and I'm glad you're able to feel empathy for what she went through. Take good care of yourself.

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  2. suicide is the brain trying to find a solution to an unsolvable problem of internal pain – when threatened to others it is not selfish but very brave screaming loud cry from deep internal need to be connected to someone who can be bigger and wiser and stronger than the pain internally crying out for comfort and healing. dont judge them as selfish my friend suicided and i dont feel she was selfish she was in so much internal pain and we were too selfish to hear her internal screams as a cry for someone to be holding her until she could be bigger and stronger and wiser and self soothe the pain that was too deep to hold alone.

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