Birthdays are tough for me, I was bullied at school and birthdays were always hard. Having my life thoroughly derailed with sickness and homelessness etc has turned birthdays into a painful time of the year when I reflect on everything that isn’t how I was hoping it would be. The last couple of weeks have been very up and down with some great times, and some major stress in a relationship, and a few really memorable meltdowns, with the underlying stress of my birthday approaching.
So it was very nice to wake up this morning feeling a bit sleep deprived but otherwise good! Happy to be alive in fact. And very nice to have phone calls and facebook messages from friends wishing me happy birthday. I have had a cup of tea and two M&M cookies for breakfast, and gone and sat on my spare bed which I have assembled in my back yard under my peppercorn tree. It is almost like having a tree house, very peaceful and a perfect nook for reading. It is really nice to be starting to feel like this is my home. 🙂
I was pretty trashed yesterday, two talks in two days was a lot of preparation work and not enough sleep. And yesterday’s talk about Dissociation was really good but also personal and exposing and I do find that very stressful. On the way home I dropped in at Coles and spent a couple of vouchers I had for groceries. Eee! It’s very exciting, I have fruit and vegetables and fresh bread and milk and chocolate and tinned soup and I also splurged and bought a rice cooker. I have bought a lot of packets of pre-cooked meals for nights when I’m too tired to cook, but they need to eaten with rice. The problem is that when I’m too tired to cook I’m also too tired to cook rice. The other night I actually managed to burn FOUR batches of rice in a row because I was too dissociative to keep an eye on it. So, I have a rice cooker now, hurrah! I am also still saving up for a bench top dishwasher. They don’t use very much water, and you can catch it to put on your garden. I figure if I can make cooking easier I will do more of it, and more cooking will hopefully mean more eating. I’ve been too anxious to eat much over the last few days which isn’t helping. After the blogging talk I spoke at on Tuesday night I was given a whole platter of leftover food! Grapes and crackers and cherry tomatoes and whatnot, yum. That’s been dinner for the last couple of nights. 🙂
So yay, made it through another year. Working hard, building a good life. I have a home and a dog and a cat and friends and art and causes I’m passionate about and today the voices are all calm for the first time in weeks. Hurrah! Many happy returns of the day. 🙂