Yesterday was hard. I haven’t had enough sleep all week. Keeping up with a 9.30am class has been challenging when I’m running on six or less hours sleep. There’s been some system stress for me lately with unhappy or scared parts coming out at night to cry. Tuesday we made it to class but we were in a very PTSD space, stressed and prickly. It was a distinct reminder of how few people understand trauma reactions as I clashed immediately with the very people who are supposed to be supporting me in the class. Firstly when they tried to suddenly insist that I was no longer allowed to sit next to my girlfriend (who is also studying this class), and secondly when they kept getting into my personal space and touching me. It’s such a challenge to communicate the needs of a traumatised person when you are in that hyper strung out state. I’d rather give a presentation about it in front of a room full of people when we’re calm any day.

Last night was particularly challenging. I was up in the early hours with a friend in need, and then once I did make it off to the land of nod, was too stirred up by it all to sleep soundly and woke myself screaming from nightmares. Thursday is a day off so my plan is to take some sleep inducing antihistamines and hopefully nap through the morning. There’s a frightening bank up of important tasks needing doing, such as keeping my Housing people happy by finishing mowing my lawns, but I can’t pull off anything until I’ve had some rest.

If I just keep pacing myself, I’ll mostly be able to pull it off. Thankfully the microbusiness course takes a three week break now, so there’s no need for early starts or very busy days for a while. Rest is going to happen, I hope. 🙂