The Convalescence

I’m still awfully sick, but I think I’ve hit the bottom and started to come up. I’m having some difficulty processing the meds so I’ve cut them back to the basic essentials. There’s been a fun evening of mania/weird meds high which is admittedly better than abject misery but as it usually indicates major liver stress it’s important to ease that before less fun symptoms, like half my skin falling off, show up. The upshot of this is I’m less giggly than I was last night but the pain level is a fair bit higher than I like. The throat and kidney infections seem to be improving, the chest infection is persistent but not degenerating into pneumonia, which is great. I’ve got an orchestra of bells, whistles, rattles, and wheezes in my lungs but I don’t feel like I’m drowning all the time. The fluid and pressure in my ears is still causing me troubles and wrecking my balance and sense of space. So no driving. In fact, still not a lot of walking. I’m prone to random collapses when the room suddenly flips upside on me. Mood wise I’m erratic, happy one moment and sobbing my heart out the next. I hate being sick! I’m dogged by a sense of misery and failure. Today is supposed to be my final class of Photography at college – I need to call them as I only managed to actually make it to two lessons and certainly can’t catch that all up now. 😦

Ah well. Tonks is delightful, the abscess on Sarsaparilla’s ear has healed up, saving me a vet trip thankfully. Salt water washes and betaine did their job. Zoe is miserably cooped up without her regular walk. Friends have been helping out with meals and chores as they can. Rose helped me find and clean the large puddle of kitten pee from behind the couch. I’m sleeping okay, just not at night. It could be worse!

I’m planning projects for when I feel better – I want to finish planting out all my new little seedlings, hopefully before they die. I’m terribly excited about my sister coming home from her 5 year stay overseas – she’s in the air as I type tonight! I’m planning a re arrange of my house with quite a major reshuffle of my sleep area. I currently have a queensize bed tucked into the small bedroom of my unit. It just fits by being pushed right against the wall on three sides. This has been okay-ish, but I’ve had enough of it. Rose is doing night shifts with her new job, I’m noctural and ill and spending a lot of time in bed, it’s a pain to make it when you can’t walk around it, whoever sleeps against the wall has to climb over the other person to get in or out… and more importantly sometimes the sense of being trapped is just too stressful for either of us to be comfortable in that spot. There’s been a couple of memorable rough nights with screaming nightmares and totally disorientated wakeups that I’m pretty keen not to repeat. We do have the lounge as a backup place to sleep for those nights that trauma stuff or multiplicity stuff makes sleeping in the same bed a bad option, but it’s not our preferred option and some nights we’d like to be in the same bed, we just need to both be able to easily get in and out to be comfortable. It’s worth the upheaval to me to be able to accommodate this kind of deep seated trauma stress.

So, tonight I was roaming my unit with a tape measure, trying to work out where else I could fit my bed. As it turns out, not many places. The master bedroom or the loungeroom are my only options. I’m loathe to pull my studio space in the master bedroom apart, but the lounge presents issues of its own. I’m thinking at this point that I may separate my studio into a couple of different parts and that way be able to move it into different areas. There’s the storage aspect – big shelves of boxes of supplies – I don’t need these to be immediately to hand. It’s sufficient to go and grab the box of supplies for that project at any time. I wish they could go in the shed but unfortunately, it’s not very large, not tall enough to fit the shelves, and most importantly, not waterproof and prone to flooding in winter. Then there’s my ‘wet’ table and big easel – these are for my paints and other wet messy types of art such as gluing or plaster or polymer clay work. Lastly there’s my ‘dry’ table. This is for everything where a perfectly dry, smooth surface on the table is essential, such as ink paintings, and needlework. I’m thinking that the inks for my arts and my journals could all be put together in the bedroom space as I usually do a lot of writing in bed and sketch with inks in my notebooks likewise. It’s a space for poetry and haiga and ink art and wrist poems. Then perhaps the wet art could happen in another area of the house… I’m somewhat tempted to pull all my collection of bookshelves into the small bedroom and turn that into a library/cat tree/nook. It’s got terrible light as the shed blocks the window so it’s not suitable as an art space at all. I do love light and windows, and I’m keen to use mine to their best. I’d love a spot to eat breakfast by a window (in bed is fine!), and a place for art by a window with good light.

Lastly, I need to move my computer area from the nook behind my front door. This is the draughty-est place in my home and I spend too many hours here in the wee morning hours, chilling. Fixing the draught isn’t easy due to unusual design of the door and I’m restless for a change anyway so I’m looking around. Perhaps a computer/library room? It’s fun to plan, even though at the moment the walk to the sink to refill my water bottle is as much as I can manage. Thankfully I still have library books, and a kitten is a constant source of either cuddles or diversion. Life goes on.

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