Well, it had to happen sometime. I’ve been writing this blog for over two years, and out about having DID and being bisexual, both of which potentially expose me to abuse, violence, or ridicule in various circles. I received this email recently, from someone calling themselves, of all things, Pig Wheeky:
“I know u. I know your secret. Fat stupid ugly girl-no friends-no one loves u-u cling to your fictitious difference-to prove u r not insignificant-dissociative, gay- what next-how can u look in the mirror-how can u pretend in the face of those who have suffered real trauma-kill yourself-your deceit-your lies r unforgivable -u ir sickening-always know that we see through u. U r harming people that have genuinely survived horror-u r unbelievable-i know u dont care-u r borderline and psychopathic-u cant even look after an animal without rspca on your back-i know u -loser-yes i know-and u know what u r-u would b surprised how many of us c through u-u r your own hell-and u will reap. :)”
What fun. There’s nothing quite like linking borderline personality disorder and psychopathy to really give yourself credibility, and the movement between the personal “I” and attempt to sound like an important majority by using “we”. It’s all a bit pathetic.
I’ve received hate mail before, although admittedly from people I’ve known. The internet opens up so many opportunities for people to behave appallingly and hide behind anonymity. This kind of bullying is the crap that people like me face. Being open about these kinds of things leave you vulnerable to people who fear and hate and who give themselves permission to be abusive to those they deem deserving and still feel like ‘good people’ themselves. Bullying in the form of instructions or requests that someone hurt or kill themselves is common and disgusting. It’s taken awhile for policies in schools and the like to catch up with how vulnerable people can be coerced into harming themselves, to the sadistic delight of abusers who don’t even have to get their hands dirty to inflict harm.
Anyone who uses tactics like this has no claim on the moral high ground, and certainly none whatsoever about how to best care for and support people who have experienced trauma. I don’t believe anyone is insignificant. All of us are unique, have our own stories and paths to walk, our own souls to care for. All of us have to wrestle with the task of how to navigate a complex, at times very painful life, and be as human as we can, to grow into the best we can be in values and character. Some of us grow kinder and gentler through the awful things we experience. Some of us grow colder and vicious. Those who become vile are to be treated with great caution, and regarded with deep sadness. Once they too were innocent. Corruption is always a terrible loss of who they could have and should have been, what they could have brought to the world. We who are abused by them are still, oddly, the lucky ones.
Having said that, we need love and care to survive and endure the cruelty and brutality of these kinds of assaults on ourselves. Every day people suffer due to bullying like this. People are made to feel alone, ugly, less then everyone else. The wounds can be deep, can even be fatal. Love heals. Anger cleanses. Hope brings life. In community and with connection we are restored.
Thankyou to all of the people who love and support me, to the community I’ve been so blessed to find. Remember all the people like me who don’t have this. Look for them, shield them from this kind of destructive hatred. Shelter each other. Help each other to be the best we can be.