Visited my gorgeous goddaughter today. It was beautiful. We played chasie, airplane, tickle monster, and hide the corn chip up your nose.
It’s been a bit rough here lately. We’re about to have another heatwave. My health hasn’t been great. Rose and I have been stressed and struggling to find plans for our future that work around our limitations and fears. Anxiety about housing continues to be incredibly difficult to work around. There’s been a lot of earnest long talks through the small hours of the morning. Sometimes it seems that we have to unpick and rearrange our relationship every few months. We somehow seem to talk ourselves to the edge of an abyss, and then talk ourselves back again. It’s hard sometimes. But it is very real, and very precious.
I’ve had a good day. I went to see my gp about my lousy health lately and to get a stack of forms done. I had to tell her that I’m going to be losing the psychologist I’ve been seeing to retirement in a few months. I could have cried with relief that she endorsed the way we’ve been managing my experiences of psychosis, and asked for the psychologist to write it up as a plan so that we can take it to anyone new I have to work with. I’m lucky. It’s so important to have this kind of support. To have a doctor who agrees that doping me with heavy tranquillisers and watching my liver and weight suffer to avoid the occasional psychotic episode in which I retain full insight and am able to manage at home is an extremely poor trade off. The relief is huge.
So, today was better. Sophie is a delight. My home is beautiful. I’ve bought another wall fan for my bedroom in time for this heatwave. Rose and I are going well again. Tonks, Sarsaparilla, and Zoe are all good. Just got to keep my head down through the next few hot days.