What a week.
Rose is sick, probably tonsillitis or a flu. I’ve done a huge fibro flare after work this weekend and been in more severe pain than I’ve experienced in a long time. I’ve also been wildly depressed and wound up meeting with a friend and crying on their shoulder for about 3 hours at a local pub. We’re running out of time for Rose to sign a lease before she winds up stranded with her current one expired. She, my sister, and my friend and his daughter, my goddaughter Sophie, are all putting in applications together for places near me. I wont be moving anywhere yet. Rose and I are both stressed out of our brains, sleeping badly and having nightmares. Rose keeps running into conflicts in her life with people who yell at her. I’m finding that my ability to be a patient support in the background is being severely tested. Yesterday between pain and illness and someone having a go at her while I wasn’t around again I really started to feel like I was losing my mind.
I went and visited nice people who fed me dinner and let me rant. I was pissed off on facebook. Then I came home with chocolate, milk, and the darkest book I could get my hands on at short notice (The Death of Bunny Munroe, by Nick Cave) and took myself to bed. This morning I checked in with Rose (still sick) and called Centrelink in the faint hopes I had miscalculated when figuring out that if we move in together we will need to add to our income (or subtract from our expenses) an additional $246 a fortnight, to be as broke as we are currently. Fantastic.
We’re waiting to hear back about another application. It’s sounding promising so far, and if this one comes through then things should be sweet with no one stuck between houses.
It’s good to wake up this morning feeling like I can breathe. Yesterday I woke out of nightmares into asthma and intense pain which is one of my least fun ways to wake up. Just taking things minute by minute at the moment, which is helping a lot. Letting myself off the hook. Trying to get a few dishes done. Breathing. Trying not to explode. One foot, then the other, then breathe. Losing my mind a bit here and there seems to be helping. Don’t try to stop the avalanche, just ride it down and try not to f*&% too much up on the way.