Rose has signed a lease

I’m still sick and exhausted, endometriosis is kicking me in the teeth, but my attempt to restart on the pill this month had to be abandoned due to immediate, severe depression. I can’t be sure it was related, but as I went through the same thing when I stopped taking it last year and that took 2 months to get over, I stopped it straight away. I’ll try it again in a couple of weeks. In the meantime, my pain levels are very high, and I feel like hell.

Rose has a virus that has developed into a chest infection, so she feels like someone ran her over a few times then stuffed her lungs with cotton wool. I feel like my bones have been drilled, fitted with bolts, and then clamped in a vice. We’re an awesome pair at the moment.

But – she’s signed a lease. Rose, my sister, and my friend and his daughter Sophie (my goddaughter) are all moving in together in a fortnight, to a house on my street. They’ll be only 10 houses away from me. 🙂 I’m staying put for now and will move in sometime later. This staged approach keeps the pressure off and the stress as low as possible for both Rose and myself. It gives us a home base for the move that doesn’t change, and staggers the introduction of our pets. It also puts off the nasty reduction in welfare that happens when you move in with a partner, until my work is successful enough that we can afford it. It’s actually happening! Some of the people I most love in the world will be a short walk away. I feel so blessed. Stressed out of my tiny mind and in horrible pain, but very blessed. There will be vastly more excitement when I’ve got through work tomorrow and recovered. I am so so sick of being sick. I have a studio to paint! 😦

Everyone was thrilled about signing the lease. And then immediately started getting panicky or depressed about various logistical problems with the move itself. I was reminded of how quickly this approach wears people out. I see it all the time in mental health work. You must take time to celebrate each victory, to enjoy it, before moving on to the next problem. You have to give yourself a break from the chronic stress and problem solving, have to make room for the peaceful feelings and the celebrations. It’s such an important part of resilience. Savouring the moment. Rose has signed a lease!

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