A couple of people I’ve never even met have blown me away by sending me money. When I discovered this, I seriously went to bed and cried! How amazing! A number of months back, as part of my ‘try to adjust to the idea of getting paid for some of the things you do’ campaign (ie hours in therapy with my hands sweating, having panic attacks) I decided to set up a ‘donate‘ button on this blog. Lots of bloggers ask for a little money, a cup of coffee (chai, in my case, thanks) for those who can afford it if they’ve got something useful from the blog. I’ve always been ambivalent and anxious about possibly exploiting someone vulnerable and appreciative who can’t afford it. I hope that’s not happening! But wow, to have someone reach out like that, it’s just… incredible. Seriously mind blowing! I haven’t touched it yet, I can’t figure out what to do with it… I could print welcome packs for my networks! Or buy Christmas gifts. Or add to the car repair fund.

It makes me feel like I’m doing something useful. It gives me hope that if I can just untangle the 17 books that are trying to write themselves through me and get ONE of them out, in some kind of coherent order, that people might actually buy it. Or pay for art in an etsy store. Something! Something where I don’t have to work at the icecream packing store down the road but can actually do some of the things I’m so passionate about to support my family. Not that the ice cream packing plant doesn’t come with perks. I don’t know. I’m in a massive ‘doubt everything’ hole at the moment – just signed up for more college art degree classes next year, didn’t hear back (yet?) about the mental health job I applied for, still don’t know if Rose is going to be employed by Christmas, trying to get pregnant… argh! And so grateful to all of you, even the ones who read but have never spoken to me. You’re part of my world, part of my community. You guys all, in one way or another, help a freak like me to have a place in the world. I don’t always feel it and I can’t always express it, but seriously THANKYOU. Thankyou for listening, for reading, for sharing your thoughts, for reaching out, for donating money, for bringing soup, for knocking around on facebook with me, for hiring me for work, for playing cards, for coffee and chats, for sharing books, for being part of my world. Thankyou so damn much. Thankyou.