Trying to get pregnant is weird. Coordinating with our donor when we didn’t get any warning about ovulation was quite challenging. We pulled off three inseminations over the last three days. Don’t talk to me about making sure the stupid cup lid isn’t cross threaded and leaking! I’ve spent a lot of this weekend feeling exhausted and lying around with pillows under my bum. I’m off my antihistamines and feel like I’ve been left on an ant hill. I’ve got big patches of zinc cream over missing skin. The fricking soles of my feet are so itchy I could happily shred them over a cheese grater. I can’t remember what I’m allowed to eat or drink. Rose randomly does things like poke me in the nipple and ask if they’re tender (they are now!). I can’t tell and I suspect if I knew all the symptoms I’d have them just out of general hopefulness. Trying to get pregnant is moving, beautiful, strange, funny, irritating, and icky. In so glad we’re doing it at home instead of through a clinic where it’s just another medical procedure. I’m already finding that aspect stressful, being able to go with things and play music and talk baby names and cuddle and have a chocolate or whatever we feel like together is so much nicer. Every sign of possible pregnancy seems to be uncomfortable, icky, or inconvenient. I just realised this morning that I didn’t start the martial arts course I was interested in yet, so I’m not allowed to now.

I wish I owned a vacuum cleaner, there is so much pet hair in my unit. Rose offered me one for Christmas, which I turned down because it was unexciting, but now I’m wondering if looking a perfectly good gift vacuum in the mouth wasn’t a stupid idea for a possible mum to be. Rose’s work are playing an exciting game of seeing how close to Christmas it can be before they tell us if she has a job. It’s like playing chicken with a small creature on the road, running it over or swerving at the last minute, and laughing at it because it looked stressed. She’s applied for about one billion others, but the ones that short list her are all out in the country… Work are also docking her pay randomly, apparently for overpayments they don’t specify. We’re pretty sure this is illegal but the payroll department seem to get away with it by not answering their phone or returning messages.

I’m really tired. Thank gawd college is over for the year. I’m going to go bathe in vinegar before I take off any more skin. I may or may not be pregnant. I am definitely itchy and bewildered.