Poem – So you’re in there

From earlier in this harrowing week. Our ‘viability scan’ is tomorrow. Frankly I’d rather put my fist through glass than attend.

So you’re in there, struggling
In the darkness, trying to grow
Without what you need
And you’re brave
And you fight hard
Wrestling heart beats back from death
A life counted in days, not years.

I know you’re doing everything you can
And it may not be enough
And it doesn’t mean a thing
It doesn’t mean you don’t want to be here
It doesn’t mean we don’t love you
I know what it’s like to give everything
And still fail. 
I know where you are, little one. 

These are our limits. 
This is what it is to be human. 
Sometimes we don’t make it. 
Love doesn’t heal all wounds, doesn’t stop the bleeding, doesn’t reorder the genome
Sometimes we fly and
Sometimes we fall. 

And I know to some
You are nothing, just tissue, just potential
Welcome to the world
So am I. Just a statistic, just a number
One in a billion lives, not particularly
Noteworthy, not powerful, not rich, not a player in history. 
This is what it is to live: you must
Wrestle your identity from those who 
Do not see you as human –
You must be human anyway. 

I’m so sorry 
You had to learn this so young
I want you to know
What it feels like to breathe
I want you to feel my kisses on your face.

I want you to know, I know how it feels
To struggle in darkness
To find that you’re not complete
Not put together right, that there’s more effort
Than seems fair to jump the gaps
That some of us learn young
The risks of living, the way
Not all us get it easy
Not all of us get our happy endings.

I love you.

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