Today was very long and very challenging. I did great and good stuff happened, but other stuff wasn’t great and the whole lot together was exhausting. The energy has gone completely. I was extremely dissociative by the evening.
Thankful for friends who let me curl up on their couch with a blanket and ice-cream, so I don’t go straight home and debrief with my tired hard working love who needs a break.
Thankful to be home now, curled up on my own couch, in my Totoro onesie, with my love.
I felt like I’d hit a solid wall at 100 miles an hour today. Hard work. The shock is easing and the dissociation is reducing now, and the feelings come up and pass through and my system gathers itself back from the burrows and deeps. Thinking is happening. I’m bowed but I’m not out off the fight. Definitely happy to be running of to the Medieval Fair this weekend though. No welfare office, no mental health work, no being confronted by my own naivete. Velvet dresses, swords, camp fires, chain maille… that’s my kind of crazy.
A friend tried to complement me today by telling me I was normal. I got where they were coming from, in mental health that’s the highest compliment for someone like me. But we had a laugh when I said that’s wasn’t really ever my aim. I don’t really understand people who want to be normal. It’s never been my holy grail.