All is well

We had a scare recently, which has ended up fine. We took a little holiday; an overnight stay with friends out by the Murray River. It was a really good time but when we went to bed late and happy we found I’d had a small bleed. I’m glad Rose was with me because we were able to keep each other calm and get through the rigmarole of phone calls with not very good reception and issues with returning calls from doctors on helplines not reaching us and so on, without panicking. We wound up getting help from the local ER who reassured us they had supplies to help us if needed, and it was okay to get some sleep and see where things stood in the morning.

We were extra concerned because I have a negative blood type and our donor has a positive one, so anytime there’s a possibility of mine and bubs’ blood getting mingled I have to get checked for antibodies and given a shot of anti D to prevent me forming antibodies against the babies blood. We hadn’t known about this issue or we’d have made blood type part of our donor preferences because it does add a fair bit of stress! But, some things you learn along the way.

I talked softly to Rose and stroked her face until she fell asleep, then googled minor bleeds or small discharges of old blood and reassured myself they are common and usually hormones bothering the cervix rather than a miscarriage.

We were able to reach our own hospital the next morning who were wonderful and told us the window for administering anti D is quite generous, so have lunch with our friends as we’d planned and then come in. A couple of hours in hospital last night, and we were able to see our little one on the ultrasound screen and check their heartbeat which was good and strong. At first I was chilled by their stillness, but after a minute or so they woke up and have a little stretch and kick. There’s simply no better sight in the whole world than a wriggly baby.

We had to wait for the blood test results and there was a very stressed, teary woman in the waiting room with her guy giving her a hug. It was so strange and sad being on the other side this time – the last time we spent hours on that room it was when they’d told us Tam had died and we needed to wait to see a doctor. We both wanted to say or do something comforting for her but didn’t want to intrude either. We tried to throw sympathetic glances their way and empathised about the uncomfortable seats. I felt terribly awkward and kept getting confused and thinking we’d got bad news too and having to untangle that she was upset but we were actually okay. We came home in a daze of relief.

Today we were both tired as all the buried feelings wash out in strange bursts. I woke unsettled and alone because Rose had quietly got out of bed without disturbing me – usually she wakes me to kiss me goodbye. She was only in the lounge feeling sick and having taken today off child care placement after throwing up. Later as I cuddled her in bed she told me “Sorry your armpit is all wet with my tears” and I told her that sounded like a great title for a book of weird poems.

Our little one protesting being woken up. 🙂

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