Moving into Rest 

I went off to the city for appointments in my ugg boots because my feet are too swollen for any of my other shoes. My pain levels which have been constant and chronic for months, creep slowly higher and my mobility steadily decreases. I’m into the window now where baby is going to be okay whenever she comes, and could turn up any day in the next few weeks. 

My body is tired. I have developed a skin infection on my leg (which is part of why I’m swelling up so much) and I’m on antibiotics for that. Yesterday I had an emergency dental appointment where they diagnosed a bad gum infection which was cleaned out under a local – the relief is immense! They also considered repacking a suspected infected root  canal but as it will definitely trigger bad jaw pain and is not 100% certain to be infected (the xray might be showing infection or might be scar tissue from previous severe infections) I’ve decided to turn that down until after baby arrives. It was very stressful as the local anaesthetic and low blood pressure made me unsafe to drive myself home and I wound up needing rescue by my Mum as well as having to make difficult calls on the spot about what to do with varying degrees of unknown risk to baby and my own health. I’m very happy it’s over. 

My doctor has put me onto rest with my feet up, and leg massages to ease the stress on my lymph system, so I’m having to let go of nesting and transition to rest mode – eat lots of small, soft foods and soup, drink lots of water, nurture myself and look after my headspace so I’m feeling ready for labour whenever that starts. Rose is needed at home more to look after me and help me get to appointments, as I’m less able to drive or deal with the walk from buses and we still have to get into midwife appointments at the hospital and doctors and so on. 

The skin infection gave us a bit of a scare, I was treating topically what started as a bite of some kind I thought I might be allergic to. A couple of nights ago I went to change the dressing and it was much larger and full of black spots. So we called out the locum and prepared for a long wait up. I couldn’t get Rose or Star to bed, in the end when the locum turned up in the small hours, we were all sitting on the big bed next to the cot and the baby hammock, the two of them singing to little frog so we could watch her move in my belly. What could have been a stressful wait turned into the sweetest evening. I was reminded powerfully that we cope much better with difficult times than we do with anticipating difficult times, and that we have worked hard to make safe and gentle spaces in our family. I love them all so very much. ❤

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