Our lives are easily stolen from us, consumed by grief or given up to ideas that give nothing back to us. It’s been a strange week, in an odd way a wonderful one despite sadness and sickness. I’ve been playing with choosing what I want to do and being less ruled by anxiety and duty. I eat what I want to eat which is frankly a bizarre and liberating rebellion for someone with chronic illness – which is always targeted through diet by doctors and witchdoctors and people you meet at the bus. I’m enjoying a book by Laura Thomas, Just Eat It. Slowly overhauling my relationship to food is sumptuous.
My friend brought me these stunning flowers when my Grandpa died. I got stuck having a transvaginal ultrasound recently and added to quality chocolate to the indulgence. I’m fiercer and enjoying life more, the more I push back in tiny ways against the self sacrifice that’s been so ingrained.
Face painting and glitter tattoos have started up again with the Spring. I’m doing more work in my diverse communities of interest, particularly LGBTIQA+, and disability. It makes my heart happy.
Poppy and I are back in our grove of regular adventure days. Today we went swimming, then scooting in the park, and lastly painting. Recently we went to circus skills Training With Cirkids, then Gorge Wildlife Park with our friend who works there.
I’ve been sick with something not yet identified, very painful, but not infectious. Grateful for my laptop so I can study in bed. Grateful for Rose who works around me and cooks me wonderful meals.
It was a friend’s birthday party recently and I indulged in baking. These are lemon meringue cupcakes, made with vanilla sponge cake, stuffed with lemon curd, and topped with meringue icing. They are delicious. I got the ultimate cook compliment when a crew of folks at the party who didn’t know I’d made them dragged each other to the plate and rhapsodized while devouring them. I have brought a large plastic tub from the local hardware store so I can easily soak my trays, which makes the after-baking cleanup slightly less onerus.
I’m back in the swing of study, this time going down the rabbit hole of climate change and environmental impacts on health. It can be brutal at times so I’m using my standard approach – find the people I love and break up the depressing or awful stuff with things that strengthen and encourage me. I’m not sure what I’m getting into next year yet, but I’m determined I’ll be doing something. It’s far too fantastic to walk away from.