At the end of the day

Curled into bed at the end of the day with my little girl in my arms smelling sweetly of honey soap. My garden is growing wild in the darkness outside, full of seeds thriving and vines twisting and the ghosts of birds long since bones. The fan rattles on, talking to itself. Cats come and go. My bone pen calls to me like rain far away at sea or over the mountains, unheard but felt in some strange sense we have no name for. My Studio is a ship far out at sea with the lights still burning. My little girl radiates the soft warmth of a banked fire, embers safely glowing within her chest.

My work is good. It satisfies me, immensely. A parched place within is soaking in the long steady rains of over 2 months constant work and much more booked in ahead. I’m turning down many opportunities and focusing on my areas of strength and passion. The NDIS support worker is complex, challenging, taxing, subtle, and deeply fulfilling. I feel of use in the world and with the help of my business mentor I am starting to shape my business into a sustainable and enjoyable model, with a balance of creative and intense emotional work. My life is incredibly full.

Rose is out at Amanda Palmer, it was by far her turn and she needed the opportunity, the inspiration, connection, and compassion I’m sure she’ll find there. We both went too see There Will be no Intermission for our anniversary and it was stunning. Such raw honesty, brutal intensity, deft humor, and compassion. Amanda delivered something incredibly dark and beautiful.

Rose, my beloved, continues to wrestle with her old demons. She’s walking a hard road at times with horrendous anxiety. But she’s also stepping into her own work and volunteering opportunities as well as being Poppy’s primary carer. We are all learning how to grow plants from seed together, and she tends a small veggie patch I organised her for Christmas. The roses are stunning in bloom, by far the most luminous is Jude, the rose she chose the weekend I proposed in what seems like a hundred years ago. Sometimes our path is painful but there’s also so much tenderness in it. I’m so grateful to her for the joy and spark she brings to Poppy and I, her joy in the little things, her creativity and sense of adventure. She is utterly ernest in all things and so devoted. I’m hoping she was able to open her heart a little tonight and soak in something precious. She so deserves all the safe, inspiring, dark, raw, and soulful nights in the world.

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