My work life, like that of most NDIS support coordinators, has become a kind of dark vortex that sucks me in. Death and risk and burnout, apathy, inadequate systems, and hopelessly slow processes makes progress slow. It’s like having my foot to the floor on both the accelerator and the brake. Or trying to put out a house fire with teaspoons of water.

But not all my world is work, and I’m lucky enough that Rose has been holding down the family fort for me. When I wrote that I worked for 48 hours without a break, that was only possible because Rose looked after Poppy and our lives for 48 hours without a break. There is so often other forms of less paid, or unpaid, and unrecognised work that props people in paid work up. Rose has been a champion and like me, she’s tired. So I’m pulling back, setting limits, spending more time with my family as best I can. The front lines are no place for a family. But I’m lucky to have them.

It’s special to slow down enough to remember they are relationships I cherish, not obligations I’m failing. Sometimes I’m a menace to my own goals and values.

Poppy I often do messy play on our days together. Rose finds messy things stressful so it’s a Mummy- and-kiddo activity. On this day we played with paint mixed with plaster of Paris. It goes solid once dry, and has a lovely thick texture perfect for palette knives while wet.

Life is not all dark, even in the vortex. So many bright lights remain. They keep my heart strong, my bed warm. The guide me home.