I can’t think straight

or see straight. I feel dazed and exhausted and hungover, keep going hot then cold, thinking in mad rapid spurts then shutting down so blankly I can’t work out what the next move is. Bone tired, with a hole punched in my chest, and the simple immutable fact that yesterday I had a dog who danced and today he is buried in my yard. Flashbacks to previous grief and loss, all these kind people who understand that he wasn’t just a pet, he was my dog and I loved him, so strange against the other times when my world has ended and I’ve mourned alone. Everything twists and tangles, memories collide, time distorts. I don’t care about any of it, I just want my dog back.

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