If this title is confusing you, read I am not Sarah first. :)from our journal, June 2011

F***!
It’s good to be alone
Here, I don’t have to be
Anything for anybody
I’m such a f***ing chameleon lately
Instead of the chimera I remember
So bloody adaptive
Being alone is like being able to breathe

And I become familiar again
Old pain and old perspectives return
Bougainvillea tattooed upon my wall

(Tried to save myself, but myself keeps slipping) 

There must be a night to howl in
For the poetry to come
And we don’t let them
Out in the day anymore:
The howling ones
No one who actually feels pain
Or has needs

We are now
Everything they want:
   cheerful in the face of pain
   magnanimous to betrayal
   indifferent to despair

No intensity. No bleeding
on their eyes.
Careful to disguise the darkness

Is this who we want to be?

But it’s working, isn’t it?
As long as we all get time –
And as long as
‘They’ know there’s more to us – 
more of us – others
who think differently feel different
That the poets and the presenters
may be different entirely
Isn’t that enough?

Isn’t darkness and intensity and anguish and rage and defiance
Something to be saved
for the special ones??

Isn’t this what a team looks like?

F***
I don’t know.

I guess I don’t trust you
To come back for me
To give me my time
I don’t have any goth trash clothes
When are we going out to dance?
My life is left behind
And I fear
You’d leave me too
Except for my poems

I know, I know
I’m trying.
It’s okay to be angry
Remind me you’re here
I don’t want to forget you either.
I’m incomplete, driven and hollow without you
You’re my shadow
I need you too.
Not just for poems
But because
You are part of my soul
You’re my dark of the moon
Stars falling in my sky
I need you to be whole.

So keep banging on my door
Paint me dark things
And force me to remember you.
I feel my lack
I feel my eternal sunshine
My hollow bones
I fly
I fly
But you are
My dark shadow
Always waiting 
Upon the earth
For me to return

Angry, bitter, brutal and intense
Defiant, you dance
In the bones of the real world
Where I fly 
In the dreams of tomorrow.
We are twins
And I love you
Don’t ever let me
Fly away from you.

For more information see articles listed on Multiplicity Links, scroll through posts in the category of Multiplicity, or explore my Network The Dissociative Initiative.