Riding it out

Things are starting to settle down again. Rose and I both dosed ourselves with some phenergan last night and got the first decent sleep of the week. I’ll probably do the same tonight, then this weekend is the wonderful, long awaited Medieval Fair again – and I’m camping out there for the whole weekend. Camping always helps me to sleep so I that should be a big boost forwards too. Not to mention that a whole bunch of friends are going to be there and I’m feeling really excited and relieved that I’ll be able to float around a little spacey in the happy hubbub of it all.

Today started well. I’m still so tired, heartsick. In recovery. I decided that this week was a write off, I’ve been doing whatever I feel like (mostly staying home in my dressing gown and working on my book/s) and doing just enough admin to keep life ticking along. It’s getting easier, finally, the admin. I print everything, I do my best to work around issues I know are tough, like phone phobia, and I keep lists and tackle small portions with time limits. I went to see my shrink recently and we discussed my exhaustion and pain levels and how unmanageable the business plans feel now that Rose is working nearly full time in a different job. She laid on the line that it was time for a major restructure to make things manageable before I do a major crash – which is where I was up to but it’s helpful sometimes to have that from a person in some kind of authority. There are things I’ve been able to do with Rose being available to support me so much – like face paint up at Monarto Zoo because she handles the drive there and home, that without her I simply can’t do. There isn’t a choice not to change things, it’s merely one of timing. I change them now and just have a period of adjustment, or I wait until I crash and wipe out my health as well as my old business format. The biggest issue I’m having is chronic pain, which is particularly from the dreadlock work, and also the face painting. I do have a bunch of other possible business ventures that cause me a lot less pain, which it looks like I will have to figure out and move into. I am hoping to get back into my studio next week and start setting them up and rewriting my website. I also have an appointment booked for my accountant to get all the work I’ve been doing assessed and make sure I’m on the right track to get all the over due reporting finished. I have to move a bit slowly, with all the stress both my physical and psychological health are rather vulnerable at the moment.

I don’t have a clue what to do about my degree finishing before I can finish it yet. Still mulling that one over. I missed classes on Monday due to crisis and chaos and being back in hospital with Rose. This Monday I’ll start up my photography class and get back into drawing. I’m hoping to find my favourite Sculpture tutor and ask some advice. I also have some frightening appointments with Centrelink (welfare) coming up which I hope I’m ready to deal with. It’s all a little scary and unstable. One step at a time.

2014-05-01 12.20.03-1So, this was the start of my day. Actually having food is a step forwards. The research one of us who is starting the book layout work tends to work obsessively and rarely eats. So much of this is about riding out the processes and gently steering them away from the rocks.

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