Poem – Here, in the dark

Here, in the dark, a deep contentment wells
I’m happiest here, alone with the books and poems
There’s such richness in them, such joy
I’m glad to be a writer, to count myself among them
They set my dreams free, ward off the creeping death
The chill, the grey, the numbness that overtakes me
The malaise I am too weak to fight alone
This strange religion so widely believed
That this is all there is and all that matters
These people whisper in my ear that I am mortal
That life is wondrous strange, that imagination is as real as shadow, love, hope, and the trembling sense
Of sublime meaning, that there’s some sense to the world, some pattern to our path, a meaning in our doings and our withholding
That such is a gift, as the trembling doubt is a gift, that they stretch our spirit and give us humble connection to each other, all bowed and small before the great tides, all with the knowledge of joy and loss, this thing that can unite us.

Little unborn child, I’m glad you did not rush your coming past me and my night, did not slip past the shadows and into daylight without my chance to wait with you, darkened world and dark womb, to wait with you and think on you and speak to you and write of you. Little unborn, so loved and so unknown. I wonder if you’ll have any night in your soul? Any darkness in your eye, any poetry in your heart?

If it’s the unlived lives of parents that marks children’s paths you’ve quite a labyrinth to walk, my love. My life may be only a small portion of the Life, but it’s dear to me, deeply lived, dearly loved.

Rudderless we lose our way. But I know what I believe. Whatever stories we tell, they stay the same. I believe in kindness, evil, love. They are real, and powerful, and come wrapped in strange disguises. I do not know why, if it has always been so and if it is the same everywhere, but the real world thins and fades fast, like candles wearing down, and must be renewed often. The key is in the seeing clearly, the right naming of things. If I understood this I would understand the language of owls and the dance of planets. Such is our life. We sing and falter and fall and rise to sing again. We are both darkeness and light, faith and doubt, sea and shore. Each of the seasons have their turn, we understand great wisdom, and lose it, only to gain it again. Somehow it’s not meaningless but beautiful. We are reborn.

There’s a quiet ecstacy in my bones, they chime softly to themselves and speak the language of planets, spinning in space. I’m inviting a family into my home, into my peace and solitude, and I feel ecstatic joy at the breaking of our time of quiet. I welcome the tearing down and the giving away. Wine is pressed from my trampled heart, flowing dark and sweet. I’m happy beyond speaking that my life has come to this. It’s worth the risks. Should all end in fire, I acted with courage, I dreamed a new dream and birthed it here, on my own, in the dark.

(don’t pity me, what’s to pity? I’ve lived richly, seen things you wouldn’t believe)

This is not the last night, there’ll be more nights, more writing, more poetry, pacing with babe in arms, walking in rain with dog, sitting up late by the ocean, listening to my heartbeat. I know this as surely as I know this is my hand and this my hip. I know this like I know the breath in my chest and pulse in my throat. I know it and I’m fiercely glad of it. It is a good thing to be alive, so deeply alive, so full of stars and night.

One thought on “Poem – Here, in the dark

  1. Dear Sarah,absolutely fascinated by your text, I have just been asked to submit a writing sample. So I have chosen a translation and submitted that to textbroker. It will not be published.This is it:Hier, im Dunkeln, ist eine tiefe Zufriedenheit zuhause.

    Hier bin ich am gluecklichsten, allein, mit Buechern undGedichten.

    Welch ein Reichtum, was fuer eine Freude.

    Dankbar zaehle ich mich zu denen die schreiben. Sieverleihen meinen

    Traeumen Fluegel, verjagen Todbringendes,

    Die graue Kaelte, die Taubheit die ueberhand nimmt, die ichalleine nicht besiegen kann;

    Die verquere Religion an die so viele glauben dass dieWirklichkeit nur aus dem besteht was wir sehen.

    Die Schreiber fluestern mir zu, dass ich sterblich bin, dasLeben ein wunderbares Geheimnis ist,

    Dass Phantasie genauso wirklich ist wie Schatten, Liebe,Hoffnung and das Zittern wenn man eine

    Ahnung von Sinn erfaehrt, dass unser Weg einen Sinn ergibt,ebenso wie unser Tun und unsere Weigerung.

    So ist alles Geschenk, genau wie der zitternde Zweifel einGeschenk ist – es weitet unseren Horizont und gibt uns demuetige Verbindungzueinander,

    wie wir alle uns verbeugen, klein angesichts von Gezeiten, miteinem Wissen das es Freude gibt und Verlust.

    Das vereint uns.

      Kind regards,

    Barbara Schaefer MA (Social Pedagogy Tubingen 1981, Theology Leicester 2004)

    – Advocate and Expert Witness for Social Care   and Mental Health, – Author, Trainer, Facilitator – Adult/Community Education Tutor, – Lecturer in FE and HE, – please view my profile on Linkedin – http://www.beaconsocialcare.org.uk, trading as Beacon Social Care Ltd 8 Experian Way Nottingham NG2 1EP, England, UK mob (0044) 07717474373           

    From: Holding my childhood to ransom To: beaconsocialcare@yahoo.com Sent: Thursday, 15 January 2015, 12:41 Subject: [New post] Poem – Here, in the dark #yiv0959288551 a:hover {color:red;}#yiv0959288551 a {text-decoration:none;color:#0088cc;}#yiv0959288551 a.yiv0959288551primaryactionlink:link, #yiv0959288551 a.yiv0959288551primaryactionlink:visited {background-color:#2585B2;color:#fff;}#yiv0959288551 a.yiv0959288551primaryactionlink:hover, #yiv0959288551 a.yiv0959288551primaryactionlink:active {background-color:#11729E;color:#fff;}#yiv0959288551 WordPress.com | sarahkreece posted: “Here, in the dark, a deep contentment wellsI’m happiest here, alone with the books and poemsThere’s such richness in them, such joyI’m glad to be a writer, to count myself among themThey set my dreams free, ward off the creeping deathThe chill, the g” | |

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