Games and gardening

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Rose and I are pacing ourselves through all the stress with good distractions. A couple of wonderful people have made donations through this blog recently, and we went out and bought this very cool game. To mark the official first day of living together, we stayed up very late playing it. We’ve since taken it with us around to several friends and family to introduce them to it.

Today we did a stack of stuff around work, the kind of ‘send people into panic attacks’ stuff, so we also went to Bunnings and bought a few things to do in the garden. We stayed out until dark today cleaning up the front of our place, sweeping, potting up plants and installing a watering system. I’m sore, tired, but happy to have a break from the big stuff.

I can hardly think straight. I managed some critical admin today, I haven’t replied to a stack of messages yet or managed to untie my tongue to thanks the kind readers who’ve donated and sent wonderful messages of support. I’m having a lot of trouble with my ‘I hate myself’ voice at the moment and I feel wildly undeserving, even ashamed, of such support. It’s really hard to respond to graciously the way I want to. I feel like I have all the words in my head and then just sit at a blank email like a kid with shorts soaked in pee giving a grown up that good look right in the shoes and I can’t find anything to say. But thankyou, you guys. I do appreciate it, a hell of a lot.

I also did some reading about not for profit structures as the Hearing Voices Network has some keen people behind it and I may if I’m lucky, not have killed off all the enthusiasm over the Christmas and mad January that I’ve made them wait. I’m stressed and anxious and can’t think clearly or find time to ask all the questions or share all the hopes and fears. I’m tired from moving house, feeling burnt out – but in other moments thrilled, on the cusp if something amazing if I just try a little harder… And, you know, possibly pregnant and in that irritating two week wait before a pregnancy test can be usefully done. This is cycle number three of trying.

I’m sharing a house again. This is a big change! I could hardly roll over in bed the other night for all the cats and woman next to me and I thought to myself get used to it! My brain feels a little stretched.

But the garden looks great.

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