Lighting candles

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My love Rose posted this today:

“We light a candle today in memory of our Tamlorn, and to mark the next part of our family’s journey.
Today we begin this month’s attempt at trying to concieve a little tribeling. If you feel so inspired, please light a candle for Sarah and I, for our angels or for the people you long to hold; be they far away, passed or yet to be. We live in hope.”

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Tonight we celebrated together with soft cheese and salami… hopefully soon I won’t be able to eat them again because I’ll be pregnant.

Everyone in my home is sick, Zoe needs another vet trip, and I’m a long way out of my comfort zone with my business. So things are great and not great at the same time, which is kind of doing my head in and making it hard to communicate! Lovely Rose, who is really very unwell with 2 middle ear infections with pus and drums at risk of bursting as well as tonsillitis and a chest infection came home early from work for a doctors appt and was flipping between feeling very miserable and wanting to curl up on the couch, and feeling like a bit of a fraud and not that ill at all – and guilty for not doing more housework! You are sick love, I told her, you’re just cheerful too because we’re trying to get pregnant again. It’s weird to be feeling such contradictory things together.

Same here. I’m struggling to write on this blog because the lows are intense, the highs are intense, there’s not a lot of sense stringing them together, and I don’t have much perspective. I feel like there’s no word in English for the everything is great, everything is awful mix I’m feeling. Everything feels messy and vulnerable and unfamiliar. Kind of like trying to get pregnant after having a miscarriage, I guess.

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