At home in the dark

Two full good days in a row… Today was bumpier and harder work but still good. Tonight I’m driving Rose and myself home from a family get together, musing on what this might mean and why – being ‘alternative’ seems to have unlocked something vital in me, being alive at night, ignoring the ‘normal’ world… And we drive into the largest blackout I think I’ve ever been in! The streets are eerie without streetlights and I nurse us through dark intersections with my hazard lights on and creep to the roadside out of the way of emergency vehicles. Everywhere people are roaming out of their houses to see what’s going on and the night has a strange, wild, lawless feel to it.

Back home we settle our animals and find matches and candles. We don’t want to open our fridge so we go to bed with a supper of chips and water. Blackouts were always a special time as a kid, my folks would haul out the camp stove and cook up dinner or hot chocolate or popcorn and we’d sit around candles and play cards or have a book read to us. I treasure these times when ordinary life is disrupted in a small way, like lightning storms or summer rain, they are invitations to step outside of routines and experience something different.

They can be a time between, a place between worlds. This is the kind of place I can live in, breathe in, make art in, make love in, hear my own voice in. In the darkness I’m feeling my way along, finding these strange illuminating moments of clarity, moments when the veil lifts and the pain falls away. I don’t understand it but one day I will, and until then I’ll keep going.

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