Poppy in Spring 

We pulled weeds in the garden recently. It feels like she’s starting to get her fill of cuddles and she’s actually wanting to be put down to explore the world from time to time now. It’s simply amazing to watch her develop. 
Is been a funny kind of week, rather wonderful and also quite distressing at times. The other evening, Poppy was unsettled through the early hours so I was up with her. I crawled into bed next to Rose at 9am seriously annoyed with the universe and ranted about how fed up I was about everything. Rose, wisely, kept quiet and snuggled in. Cuddles make everything better. 🙂

Then we went off to a babywearing group and I learned how to wrap Poppy, and still had my ranty pants on. Apparently that was quite welcome! I feel so much more comfortable in parent groups that are more alternative, it was refreshing. It has occurred to me that many of the Mums who approach parenting as a role they have to fit into and hide who they are to do well at probably have that approach to the rest of their lives too. That’s not how I live so it’s unlikely to play much part in my parenting either. Now that Poppy is here a lot of the fears and sense of being pushed into roles or to behave in certain ways have eased. I feel a lot stronger and less vulnerable to dumb advice. (not invulnerable, just less) 

I was thrilled to sell some prints through my Etsy store. I get great pleasure from wrapping and posting them. It inspired me tonight to clear a lot of boxes and things out of my studio and into the shed so I can once again reach my art desk and inks. I’m feeling inspired to create. 

I also touched base with some great people and secured a couple of public speaking gigs, which is always so exciting. Something about this work just makes my heart sing. 

I got some warm feedback about my authenticity being inspiring. 

I also discussed the possibility of holding my exhibition Waiting for You down south somewhere for those folks who couldn’t attend it in town. 

My life is incredibly hard work at the moment – loads of housework, admin, caretaking, providing emotional support, sleep deprivation, and the rawness of post-partum. At times intense frustrations and fears spill over. Other times there is simply the joy and bliss and pleasure of tending to my family and enjoying being a Mum. I’ve been inhibited by trauma and a kind of survivors guilt, always aware that I’m so fortunate and many others are still hoping for or grieving their dream children. It feels like I’m letting go of those things and sinking gradually more deeply into my own life, my own path and experiences. When I hold Poppy my hands wake up and feel alive, like they do when I make art. I’m so incredibly glad to be here. 

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