We are currently arranging dental surgery for her. She’s in intense pain with 4 front teeth decayed, but the nerves still alive. Apparently that’s very rare in a child, usually the nerves die quickly and there’s little pain. So there’s no provisions in our public health system for her situation, she’s been on a waitlist to have those teeth removed for 6 months, and she has another year and a half to go! She’s needing constant pain relief and waking several times a night hysterical. Last night was by far the worst, she woke screaming and attacked me when I tried to comfort her, then crawled into the floor and started bashing her face into the lino. She’s never get done anything like that. Rose and I had to hold her down until the ambulance came. It was hideous.

The hospital said her situation is so rare they were initially worried that it was something other than teeth. Rose and I nearly threw up with anxiety when they assessed Poppy for a brain tumor this morning! But the conclusion has been that it is her teeth plus a head cold and mild tonsillitis. She’s almost her usual self when the pain killers are working for a couple of hours, then it all goes downhill while we wait to be able to give the next dose. The emergency dental department refused to even see her and said that pain was not an emergency. They will only operate if she develops abcesses. So we’ve been sent home with instructions to keep pain relief happening and do whatever we can to get her the surgery as soon as possible.

We are home again now, very sleep deprived and strung out, especially as we’ve all got head colds and sinus infections too. Our people are helping us out with meals, housework, and the money needed to book the surgery privately (we have to pay upfront to book it, which is causing troubles because the formal bank loans we are chasing take weeks to arrange and can’t be used to pay back a kind person, only to directly pay the medical bills). We’ll call first thing Monday when the clinic opens again.

I’ve been carefully saving the money we were donated for traveling overseas for my first international talk. I was trying to honour the reasons people donated it to us, and to spend it on a ‘learning to fish’ thing that would have knock on positive effects on my business and our financial situation. I’m pretty sure no one would judge me or feel misled for using it to help Poppy (if you donated and you’re not cool with that, get in touch) so I’ll use it for this. There will be other opportunities for me to earn money and build my business, I’m confident of that (some of the time). I feel frustrated and guilty that I haven’t yet sorted out my business/work to the point where I can solve this problem without help. But I am so stretched right now thinking about that would consume resources I don’t have. I’m blessed to be part of a tribe who look out for each other, and helplines are helping me keep my head together. Star is having a really tough week of crises too, so both our girls are needing all the love and support we can muster.

We are sleeping in shifts, watching funny things on Netflix, giving loads of hugs, venting frustration and fear in private, cleaning where we can, and just thinking a few hours ahead at any given time. If I never experience a week like this again, I’ll feel blessed. I hope the next one is better! I hope we have a surgery date soon.