Some time ago I decided to make some life changes to reduce stress. I went looking for where I could shift things to be on the ‘easy setting’, given how many things I can’t change that are very much on the difficult setting in my life. My propensity to love people who have suffered greatly shifts that dial right the way over to ‘challenging’. But one area I could easily change was my garden. I had a lovely full pottager garden (a busy mix of flowering and edible plants) which I could no longer keep up with since Poppy came along. Last year was exhausting for me with heavy caring responsibilities and my health has been rough this year so I’m glad I got ahead of this.
With some wonderful help, my garden has been hugely reduced. We removed the rosemary bush, a lovely pomegranate shrub, a huge jade plant, many geraniums, and mostly what is left are my roses. It was really hard! Paradoxically, I love this new garden more. I can see and appreciate the roses better, I’m out in it almost every night weeding and watering. Our succulents are coming along well and will thrive in pots among the roses. Now that it needs much less care I feel less overwhelmed and it actually gets much more care than before. It’s a source of joy again instead of angst. And roses I’ve hardly looked at in years are suddenly center stage again and breathtakingly beautiful.
It’s been a delightful week. I’ve taken a little time off to cope with health troubles and that’s eased the depression and mental pressure. I’m enjoying my studies hugely and excited about my work and art projects. A new exhibition is in the works which is wonderful, and I’ve started writing my Multiplicity book again after a very long hiatus. I’ve also taken up French lessons through the very cool app Duolingo. I’ve started seeing a new therapist. I’m experimenting with antidepressants and herbal supplements. Life is good.
Today we dusted off our bikes and patched up the tyres for our first ever family rides. It was wonderful. I’ve been wanting to get more physical activity happening for myself but unable to stretch the budget to include sporting fees and memberships for all the exciting things I’d love to be doing like dancing, kayaking, kick boxing… When the depression overloads me the obstacles are so overwhelming. Yet I’ve had a bike in the shed I haven’t ridden in years but loved and saved up for a long time to get. I’d still love to learn fitness pole and wind surfing but right now cycling is accessible and Poppy loved it.
I have been earning enough money to pay for my studio rent, supplies, and a new membership with the Society for Children’s Illustrators and Book Writers. I feel so proud of this, to have my art and work paying its own costs and even easing the tight family budget makes me feel really good. It’s not the full time work I was aiming for, but with part time study and rest and recovery time needed for health, it’s good. It’s a big achievement and I’m looking forward to more of the sense of peace and accomplishment that the shifts and growth have been creating. Some things are very hard but not everything needs to be.