In Bridges this week we talked about how to start the process of working out what was going on if you are a multiple. This can be a challenging process for a number of reasons. The biggest is simply that most people coming to grips with this situation find the discovery they are sharing their life with other parts very confronting. Denial can slow down the process of learning more about yourself, and so can the emotional shock of making these kinds of discoveries. Multiplicity is a very individual construct, it develops out of an intersection of two entirely unique factors – the environment the person was in as a child, with the specific challenges that posed, and the unique personality and skill sets the child possessed. The result is rather like the formation of a snowflake – no two are alike!
In all the literature I’ve read, I’ve come across three basic ways that multiples tend to learn more about themselves, more specific than the general ideas for building self awareness. ‘System mapping’ refers to learning what parts are in your system. (please translate to your preferred language – inner family, tribe etc.) Method one is to gather information internally. You might ask inside for parts to identify themselves. This is a great approach if your system tends to talk internally and you hear their voices. You may not even need to ask, you may have known for years that there’s an older male voice and a little girls’ voice and a harsh angry voice. You can start to note down the details you have and add in information as you collect it. I do recommend finding a safe place to note down your system map, considering that the information is very emotionally charged and you are prone to dissociation, it’s likely you’ll have difficulty remembering it.
You might start off with only a tiny bit of information and then add to it as your dialogue grows – the older male voice may tell you he hates reading, he’s close to your brother, and his favourite food is hot Indian curry. You can start to build more complete profiles of who’s in your system and what skills they have. Skill sets can be useful to identify as it’s common to have them broken up and distributed among a system. Someone may have financial skills, another is very nurturing and parental, someone else loves boats… Identifying the roles parts have played can also help in understanding how you all work. Sometimes there’s parts who don’t seem to have any skills, or who seem really depressed and overwhelmed. These parts are often still playing vital roles within the system (although they may not feel that way), they may be preserving characteristics such as hope or innocence, or they may be containing distress, feeling shame, misery, or despair to protect the other members of the system from those experiences. Some people find their parts communicate through dreams, so listening to your dreams can also be a way of learning about them.
A second way of starting a system map is to gather information externally. I’ve read of people starting a journal and inviting all their parts to introduce themselves in it. I’ve also come across people tacking a piece of paper to their door or having a whiteboard on which is written ‘Who are you?’ so that as different parts come out, they add whatever details they know and are comfortable with sharing to the list. Some systems have parts who already have names for themselves. Some have parts where 7 all thought they were ‘Kylie’ and are all startled to discover the other 6. Some choose to name themselves once they understand they are multiple. Some identify themselves by a role such as ‘the driver’ or a title, such as ‘the sad one’. Some, especially younger parts, get confused or play games and use more than one name. Some refuse to use names at all. It can take a while to work everything out!
Different parts in a system may have different levels of awareness, or co-consciousness, of each other. So, for example, imagine a system with three parts, Mary, Sally and Greg. Mary may not be aware of either of the others, Sally may only be aware of Mary, and Greg may be aware of them both. Sometimes a useful strategy is to ask everyone in the system to write down who they are aware of and what they know about the system, and then start combining all the individual maps to create a master map. Sometimes there’s one member of a system who keeps track of everyone and once they are happy to share their knowledge, you have a good idea of what is going on for you. Another way to try and start the process of system mapping externally is to construct a timeline and try to identify who turned up at what age. It’s not uncommon for new parts to turn up to manage a new challenge or environment, such as starting school, and that can be a useful way to track the development of a system. Sometimes you can chart your system using photographs or handwriting – you might not yet know which part does that really small neat handwriting, but you can pin down that they first turned up in high school, that they’re not very good academically but love to write creative stories, and that they disappeared for several years in the mid nineties. This can be a good start!
A third way to learn more about your system is from feedback from other people. Sometimes parts are unable or unwilling to engage internally or to identify themselves through the written word. You may be able to map your system by tracking responses from other people. Some people find their parts refuse to talk with them but chat with their therapist or a friend, and the therapist can start the system map or you can catch up on what’s going on for other parts with your friend. Others can deduce based on what they don’t know or remember – you never remember catching up with Holly and her friends but she thinks you’re great – sounds like you might have a hippie part. You never remember turning up to work but you get a paycheck every week and no complaints – sounds like you might have a part who’s good at sales. You bust up every relationship just after starting to get physically close to the other person but never remember doing that – sounds like you have a part who doesn’t cope well with sex. You lose hours every time you have to go past a toy store. Welcome to child parts!
Multiple systems are often geared to hide information. Multiplicity can be a great survival strategy, but if detected can actually leave someone more vulnerable to exploitation. Also, as you learn about the parts in your system, you can’t help but learn about the roles they’ve played, the memories they carry, and other information you may find painful at times. Your system may have been set up precisely to compartmentalise this material so you’re not overwhelmed by it. So try to be patient if your system is blocking all your efforts to learn about it! You might have to do a lot of coaxing and encouraging that it’s safe and you’re trustworthy.
Systems are not always static either. Some systems are highly fluid and in flux, with parts appearing and disappearing all the time. This tends to suggest a person under high stress who feels in chronic danger. System mapping in such a situation is fairly pointless, the highest need is settle the distress and restore some sense of safety and control. Some parts may move between different ages from day to day, which can make them difficult to identify at first. Some may have very strange ideas about who they are, which is often rooted in childhood beliefs about what would keep them safe, profoundly negative self concepts, or reflect spiritual beliefs. Multiplicity becomes a lot less strange seeming when you remember it was ‘built’ by a child. Try not to panic about what you discover, just like anyone else, multiples can change, grow, and adapt. It’s also not uncommon for some parts to hide away, deeply buried, and remain undetected for a long time, so try not to be too surprised or discouraged if you think you’ve worked out your whole system map and later discover an addition to the family.
Don’t feel like you have to choose just one approach to mapping your system, cobble together any information from whatever sources you have available to you. Take your time, be gentle with yourself, and good luck. 🙂
Edit: Mapping your system isn’t always a helpful approach – please see the comments for a great alternative perspective!
For more information see articles listed on Multiplicity Links, scroll through posts in the category of Multiplicity, or explore my Network The Dissociative Initiative.
5 thoughts on “Multiplicity – Mapping your system”
Thank you for this Sarah. Diagnosed with DID beginning of first lockdown (could only do this privately) having been in psychiatric system for nearly three decades with incorrect diagnosis. Just started therapy and working to know who my parts are. Finding it awfully tricky. So thank you for your wisdom and insight. Really helpful. x
heyo! we’re a younger system (body is in teens) of 40-50 alters who really found this helpful for explaining things to our therapist. thank you!
I think I have a system. A terrific system, parts still has me questioning it. With everything I know & remember, occam’s razor would make me a fool to think otherwise. It would be a miracle if I didn’t have a system. It all makes sense when I connect the dots in this context. My pieces of memories, black spots in memory, people claiming to see me or even spend time with me when I have zero recollection of it.. waking up with scratches, dirt under my nails, leaves in hair. The poetry I always felt like wasn’t mine but belongs to the voice in my head who recites it to me randomly. It’s so much better than I could ever write! The way I black out when I get so mad & seem to have fighting skills way beyond what I do, strength beyond what I do. Why at seemingly random times, I will suddenly feel SO very small. I’ll feel my arms & they feel tiny & it feels like I’m feeling someone else’s arms.. the dreams & people in them. I called him my “dream stalker” for years but now I think he’s my protector alter or maybe gatekeeper? Presented me with a case he opened towards me, there was shiny round objects in it that made me think of washers. That was the first dream he came to me in, I was 3 ish. He said something like “don’t tell your father” then my dream went black, I woke up in terror. I was sure he was going to kill me by slitting my throat. I also had “dream friends” I remember having from around 6-7 on. One boy, 2 girls. Now I wonder if they’re alters of mine. I’m trying to map my system, I’d like to work with most of them that I know of. I just started getting to be aware of a few but they were trying to kill each other when I tried a meeting in our inner kingdom. Then they felt very distant the next day. Today I can sense one or two. I started writing down what I could hear, since I began to actually listen to them.. only prob yet is that one likes to play music very loudly so I can’t hear.
Any suggestions on how I coax them out & get them to talk to me more? Jasmin & Margaret seem to be the most helpful but Margaret also sarcastically referred to herself as my “brain lackey” so… but Jasmin is a freaking doll.
I also tried a timeline as well so I can see when some were probably “born”.
Oh I also realized that I used to more consciously share fronting with an alter who’s more wraith like but I didn’t understand or know it.
I haven’t told anyone all this or even 2% of it but I really needed to do it & I feel here is safest. I really need support from others like me, please.
I was absolutely driven insane, rapid and complete decompensation, by a therapist who forced the mapping of our system on us. Our system is just too big and complex for that. We are always free flowing extremely rapidly but that is just how our system works best. We are all here usually in our definition of co-consciousness where everyone but the deepest still buried parts sees and experiences what is going on in this body. We know there are those around us that view everything from so many different out of body vantage points. Unspeakable abuse from birth of every unimaginable type constantly with no safety anywhere night or day did this so we could survive. Parts just kept being made through out our lives and some still are made today to increase speed and have separate parts for where individual parts, groups, teams, departments and/or divisions were overwhelmed by recent from all sides assault. A life time of it and we are in our mid fifties. We had a therapist constantly interrupting us every 2 mins because she wanted, to help her, identify each part as is came forward. We could never talk or get anything important to us done! We learn and talk to parts that start talking for the first time we can remember but it isn’t to drill them. Just to listen and say “Hi, welcome to the team!” We have thousands of parts, literally. We have freaked out many psychiatrists and an expert in the field of DID who has treated many large systems. We just naturally free flow through so many different parts so fast. Young parts speak through older spokes person parts to others so they have their say without people looking at us like we are crazy. But in situations where it is safe they use their own voices and are out. And she said and we have read in many books and articles you NEVER try to map such a system. It only helps the therapist try to understand our system but seriously harms us. Knowing the difference between so many parts with the same names is just a complete waste of time and is futile. Most people don’t think anything of it except to find we are interesting to talk to. Most people are not constantly staring intently in others faces to “see” what is happening. And we have learned not to focus intently on others faces when we talk and it goes wonderfully, joyously, and so absolutely naturally for the first time in our lives. We have a long way to go, years of our lives are still missing but it is way better that only remembering at most 5%. Every system is different and this just is working fantastically for us.
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Awesome reply! I’m really sorry and angry for you that being pushed into engaging with your parts like this caused such harm. D: But huge kudos to you for working out what DOES work for you, and thanks for sharing it! I love being able to gather together such a variety of experiences when I’m educating people about multiplicity. So often I’m giving a 20 minute talk in a place where the first 5 minutes is going to be spent just defining what dissociation and multiplicity ARE which is so incredibly frustrating, and in that space people take shortcuts about the information and start making huge generalisations. Which, when shrinks and workers then take those generalisations as gospel and go and use those approaches with real people do horrible harm to some of them! I keep coming back to the principles of the recovery model where people stay in control of their own process, the direction, pace, goals… and of the Hearing Voices approach where people are encouraged to make their own sense of what they are experiencing and to create their own individual, unique approach! I’m really glad you’ve found a way to navigate things that is working so much better for you. 🙂 x
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