Say hello to laser possum… I’ve been walking the dog every night round the block at least, come rain or heat. Tonight this chap was on our beat.

Today was strange. I’m good and fine and also sort of heartsick and world weary. My to do list runs onto several pages, none of which I feel like dealing with. Facebook feels icky instead of connecting. I’ve been cooking from scratch lately and enjoying that – pikelets, pancakes, waffles (savoury and sweet), and gluten and dairy free cake for a birthday today (surprisingly tasty!). It’s satisfying, especially cleaning the trashed kitchen into the dishwasher afterwards.

This week begins the big move – Rose’s lease is at an end. Next week work starts again. In between I expect lots of tears and stress. We started a day early on that today. After homelessness, I don’t think either of us are ever going to be able to do house moves without major stress. 😦 Patience and love in large dollops.

Strange dreams. Reading a lot. Writing a little when I can, impatient to start on my book again soon. Happy and not happy. Excited and dissatisfied. Moving toward good things, and away from good things. On the right path and yet missing something important. Such is life. One foot, then the other.

There are catastrophic fire conditions here in SA at the moment. I just want to let you know that my home is nowhere near the danger zone. I’ve been up late watching things unfolding and reading to swing into action if I’m needed. A few of my friends and family are near danger and our home is open to them or their pets if needed. Huge grassroots community efforts are complementing the country fire service and emergency services work to keep people and animals safe. We’re lucky to have the net and communications networks we now have. I’ve been reading about awful situations where animals have died, and other amazing ones where whole boarding kennels have been evacuated safely. Over 100 fires have started in the past 24 hours, almost all have been contained but one massive one remains. So far houses have been lost, animals have died, and properties have burned but no human lives lost. Today brings severe storm winds and dry lightning so conditions are terrible. Smoke is blowing across the suburbs and city, causing troubles for those with respiratory issues.

We are safe, home, cool, waiting and watching to see where we might be needed.

Sampson Flat fire in the Adelaide Hills, photo by firefighter Eugene Klaebe 

I got a number of new books for Christmas, and bought a few for myself too, with donations that came in through this blog. Squee! I love books. I love reading. This is my current collection by my bed. I’m usually reading between 5 and 15 books at the same time. Rose and I are currently reading Lirael by Garth Nix, and Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire to each other. It’s soooo wonderful reading aloud or having read aloud to you a favourite book. 🙂 Since we met, we’ve read the other earlier Harry Potter books, Sabriel, and a Tanith Lee one called Companions on the Road, which Rose kept falling asleep to because it’s very lyrical and rhythmic in style. Reading to each other is our secret weapon against insomnia and nightmares. 🙂

I used to go to my local library with a shopping trolley and just browse the shelves, pulling a few books from each to read until I’d reached the 50 book loan limit. These libraries that make you browse electronically and only take out 10 or less books at a time! Wow, not my style. 😦

So, at the moment I am reading Focusing by Eugene Gendlin, about a self awareness/self care technique for learning how to listen and understand where you’re stuck and how to move forwards. So far I love it.

Emerald magic – a collection of short stories set in Ireland, fantasy. One is by Tanith Lee, a favourite author, another by Ray Bradbury, THE favourite author.

Double Exposure by Brian Caswell, excellent author

Up the Duff by Kaz Cooke, about pregnancy, great black sense of humour, a welcome change from all the ‘pastel’ books out there. I also got given Kid Wrangling by the same author which I’m looking forward to.

Somebodies and Nobodies about rank and abuse of power, which I’m loving. It’s what I’ve been screaming about in mental health for years and SOMEBODY gets it! More, they have practical wisdom about maintaining what is useful about rank while getting rid of rankism. I am so enjoying this book.

Parenting for a peaceful world by Robin Grille, about child raising over the centuries. This one is very intense, but extremely important. It’s been incredibly difficult to read about child raising approaches in cultures that routinely abuse, kill, or sacrifice their children, and to see the development of ideas over time – children as property to children as people. I’m looking forward to reading other books that take such a broad sociological approach to this topic because a lot of the parenting books are alarmingly narrow in perspective and we often assume that normal ideas for us today (parents bond with a protect their children, for example) were always normal ideas. It’s also of interest to me considering that for many of my friends and people I work with, their families were definitely not the current norm, and actually operated on principles of abuse or property that I can read about from other cultures or earlier times. It’s also interesting to me how much of things like infant mortality we put at the feet of improved sanitation (very important) and don’t talk about the changes in child raising practices which were probably as or even more important.

Daring Greatly by Brene Brown, another one full of great ideas about leadership and vulnerability that I’m reading in small portions to allow me to digest it

Lost and Found, fiction, Rose bought it for me when I was sick, unusual but enjoyable style.

And re reading the Earthsea set again – one of my canon I re read yearly. Absolutely beautiful series.

Plus some I haven’t started yet, Bapo, Embracing Our Selves, and Shadow Dance. How wonderful. 🙂

Rose tells me she can always tell how many nights it’s been since she slept over last as her side of my bed progressively fills up with books and journals. Reading and writing are key parts of my life, they get me out of my head, share creativity and wisdom with me, help me learn new ideas, and upskill. It’s a joy for me that very little can ruin, even grief, pain, illness. I delight in it.

What are you reading?

Have a photo of me in my new hat. 😉 We’re ringing in the new year with delightfully nerdy friends and family, playing games. Hope you’re having a good one too. 🙂

A couple of people I’ve never even met have blown me away by sending me money. When I discovered this, I seriously went to bed and cried! How amazing! A number of months back, as part of my ‘try to adjust to the idea of getting paid for some of the things you do’ campaign (ie hours in therapy with my hands sweating, having panic attacks) I decided to set up a ‘donate‘ button on this blog. Lots of bloggers ask for a little money, a cup of coffee (chai, in my case, thanks) for those who can afford it if they’ve got something useful from the blog. I’ve always been ambivalent and anxious about possibly exploiting someone vulnerable and appreciative who can’t afford it. I hope that’s not happening! But wow, to have someone reach out like that, it’s just… incredible. Seriously mind blowing! I haven’t touched it yet, I can’t figure out what to do with it… I could print welcome packs for my networks! Or buy Christmas gifts. Or add to the car repair fund.

It makes me feel like I’m doing something useful. It gives me hope that if I can just untangle the 17 books that are trying to write themselves through me and get ONE of them out, in some kind of coherent order, that people might actually buy it. Or pay for art in an etsy store. Something! Something where I don’t have to work at the icecream packing store down the road but can actually do some of the things I’m so passionate about to support my family. Not that the ice cream packing plant doesn’t come with perks. I don’t know. I’m in a massive ‘doubt everything’ hole at the moment – just signed up for more college art degree classes next year, didn’t hear back (yet?) about the mental health job I applied for, still don’t know if Rose is going to be employed by Christmas, trying to get pregnant… argh! And so grateful to all of you, even the ones who read but have never spoken to me. You’re part of my world, part of my community. You guys all, in one way or another, help a freak like me to have a place in the world. I don’t always feel it and I can’t always express it, but seriously THANKYOU. Thankyou for listening, for reading, for sharing your thoughts, for reaching out, for donating money, for bringing soup, for knocking around on facebook with me, for hiring me for work, for playing cards, for coffee and chats, for sharing books, for being part of my world. Thankyou so damn much. Thankyou.